Rhythm and routine

One of the biggest changes this year has been the loss of routine.   For 25 years, Monday to Friday, I got up at a certain time to go to work.  The jobs changed (17 times) but the routine was familiar.  Home at 6ish to cook dinner and grab an hour or two to knit or sew.  Saturdays were all about chores and Sunday whatever was left over got attention and that included family, friends etc.

Becoming self employed took all that away.  Thursday at 2pm you are just as like to find me sat in front of the fire knitting as working.  Right now it's 9am and I'm in bed with a cup of tea and the laptop.

I was working until 10pm last night and I'll be doing the same tonight.   It took me a while to realise that if I didn't pace myself and rearrange my expectations of time then I would be working all the time - and to be honest that's not what I want.

Becoming self employed was as much about me as it was about being able to focus more time on the work that matters to me.   It was about creating my reality, a reality that sustains, fulfills and allows me to nurture my own health and wellbeing - physically, mentally and spiritually.

Twice this week (and it's only Tuesday) I have felt criticised because of some of the choices I am making.   Apparently I need to be an activist and I need to market my 'business' more.  On both occasions I was challenged to explain and justify my decisions and approach.  I didn't respond well.  I need to find grace and let go of my ego in order to articulate my sense of self, passion and purpose. 

When I was working five or six days a week in a job that was easily understood, in a routine that was recognisable I was only ever challenged to justify my approach to life by one person.................me.

I have lost the safety net of routine and have yet to find comfort in the rhythm.